I have been selfish this summer. I have been so wrapped up in the silliness of boy drama and work drama and gossip and worrying about what is going to happen next to appreciate what really matters.
Last week we lost our beloved Granny. Whilst I was dancing and drinking my summer away she was feeling sicker and sicker until finally she checked herself into a hospital and we discovered the worst. Pancreatic cancer. Nothing they could do. And the end came almost too quickly to believe.
This is real heartbreak.
And what is left are all those missed moments, those times I could have spent with her but didn’t because I was too wrapped up in my own giddy life.
But there is nothing to gain from dwelling on these. Instead it is time to focus on all the little moments we shared…
The first time I performed on stage in the village pantomime she sent me flowers “because an actress should always have flowers”
She taught me to ride my bike without stabilisers and then cycled it into the rose bush herself.
We always went to the library to pick out books, I was obsessed with Enid Blyton, one summer staying at hers I devoured the entire secret seven series in a week.
When I was little we baked so many cakes, fairy buns with white lemon icing. Between her and my mummy I learnt all my baking skills.
She stood behind me at my mummy’s funeral and comforted me whilst I broke down.
She sent me cards on every occasion, every performance, every exam passed, every new home, every milestone.
It is these fleeting moments, these little gestures that make life. We need to appreciate every one of them, stop focusing on the what ifs and the silly things that go wrong and just live in these little moments. Because that’s all life is really just lots of and lots of small moments and before you know it they’re gone.
Scattered Thoughts 