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Reasons why I’m not yet a real life adult…

Adulting is hard ok. I really struggle to wrap my head around the fact that I am 27. I am way closer to my 30th birthday than my 21st and sometime this year it really hit me that I am of proper adult age, how the hell did that happen? In my head I’m still a giddy 19 year old and nowhere near ready to be a full blown grown up and here’s why…

1) I make rash decisions. I am that dangerous type of person where I either sit and mull things over for weeks on end or I just go ah fuck it and jump right in, in a perfect world I’d be somewhere in the middle. To be fair this has sometimes lead to the best decisions of my life like leaving a job that was draining the life out of me or at the other end of the spectrum many many great nights out. But many a time it has lead to terrible decisions especially when it comes to relationship situations. And I then spend weeks feeling terrible and mulling over everything before I jump and make another rash and probably bad bad decision.

2) I still think tequila is a good idea. It only ever leads to me making the aforementioned rash decisions and they’re almost always the terrible ones. My body has learnt by now that I’m too old for tequila and punishes me with increasingly worst hangovers but does my brain learn? Nope. I fear me and tequila will be partners in crime for a while to come before I finally break away from this abusive relationship.

3) I suck at budgeting. Ok this isn’t entirely true I always have a rough idea of expenditure each month, I do my best to try and save and helpfully there are such things as direct debits and standing orders so that I can set these up and ensure that my rent and bills are all paid correctly and on time. The problem is that I’m a little lazy and a little impulsive I’ll walk into Topshop and get tempted or go out for drinks and end up happily buying rounds and within a few minutes my whole budget has gone to shot.

4) I have no clue what I’m doing. Seriously I flip flop around trying to figure out what the actual hell I want out of life. I think this is because I want to do too many things, but instead of getting on and doing them I get confused and panic and end up lying on my bedroom floor crying having eaten an entire Easter egg to myself (and I don’t mean a mini one) wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life. In my defence I have ticked a fair amount off my bucket list, I’ve been lucky enough to travel a hell of a lot, I’ve moved to London, I’ve got my degree and I’ve started this blog. But on the other hand I am after temporarily getting a job in a restaurant still, 3 and 1/2 years later working in a restaurant and I still haven’t quite figured out exactly what I’m going to use that degree for, despite years of people asking me.

5) I still believe in fairytales. Well not fairytales per se I don’t think I’m going to leave my shoe behind on some tequila fuelled night out and a prince will travel around the entirety of the country with it desperately trying to find me. But I do still believe, or at the very least hope, that there is a happy ending out there for me. That I will find my Prince Charming, unfortunately it is highly unlikely he’ll be an actual prince especially now the love of my life is marrying Meghan Merkle, but still I believe, or at the very least hope, I’m going to get my happy ever after.

So to any floundering twenty somethings (or people of any age really) out there, don’t feel bad if you’re not quite where you want to be yet or if you still don’t know where that is. Trust me we’ve all been there, I am most definitely still there and probably will be for a while. I guess all we can do is enjoy life as it comes, and slowly baby step by baby step muddle our way through this mess. Because despite not yet being anywhere near grown up, looking back to ten, five or even one year ago I have come so far and am so much happier and more comfortable with who I am, that I believe one day we’ll get there, even if I’m not quite sure what there is. I’ll keep you posted!

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Life is not quite as I thought it would be…

Last summer I thought I had everything figured out. I remember floating through the airport on my way to a weekend in Stockholm with my uni friends thinking my god life is good! I’d just signed a contract for a small flat in London with my boyfriend, I’d just been offered a promotion at work which meant my very first salaried job! Fine it wasn’t my dream job but being promoted to manager in the restaurant I’d worked at for almost 2 years (minus a couple of months where I disappeared to Australia) and had come to love was seriously exciting. 

Fast forward a year and the jobs lost some of its glitter, differences in the management team and a upcoming change of owner has put a dampener on everyone and everything. The boyfriend I broke up with and whilst is for the best it’s a little gutting to realise I’m back to the start all over again and with 30 inching closer and closer my dreams of a perfect wedding and babies seem to be slipping further and further away. And the flat well I’ve struggled on just about maintaining rent and bills on my own but with the contract ending soon and my financial situation I’ll soon have to move everything out of my perfect cosy little home and start again. 

In summary I have no boyfriend, no home, a job that’s rapidly losing its shine and an alarmingly low bank balance. Life at 26 is not all I believed it would be. 

Don’t get me wrong there are so many positives about my life I have great friends, some amazing colleagues, I’m healthy, relatively happy and I live in London (which is, in my opinion, the best city in the world)! 

I guess what I’m trying to say is life’s great but it’s not what I expected, one minute you’re on top of the world the next you’re crying into your cereal. So I’ve taken a step back, and I guess it’s time to start over again. And that’s what this blog is all about figuring out how to be a grownup in a weird weird world!